I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
