You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
