I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
