Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
