wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
