Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
