I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
