On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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