Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
