This girl is more easily done than said...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i've created a new STD.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
