My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
