I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just puked most of my soul out..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
