What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she peed on how many people?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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