there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
