i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
