WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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