i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
