He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
