Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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