It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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