You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
