Pappa wants mamma naked
just come out here and I will go home with you...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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