$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
