but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
