i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
