member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Even my vagina gasped.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
