roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
