ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
