Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
