I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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