I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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