Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
