At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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