I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
