So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
