Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
