New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
