people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
