I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
