I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
