Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
