i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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