If i come over, it means nothing
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
