I can text with my tongue
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
