I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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