Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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