it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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