Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
