By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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