covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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