i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
