This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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