Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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