we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
